Autism & Geekhood

Some interesting articles, recently slashdotted, on the connection between autism spectrum disorders and general "geekiness." My suspicions are getting stronger concerning genetic links. Tim, Ethan, Judah (Tim's younger brother), Jim's little boy (Tim's paternal cousin), and more, just on Daddy's side of the family. I'm sure we could unearth further links on my side as well... bears looking into anyhow. Without further ado, for those who are interested anyway; here's the Slashdot article and discussion and the Wired article that also contains more data/references that support my computer nerd theory of autism-in-general. *grin* Those who have had to endure my soapboxing on this will know why this makes me smirk to reference.

ti'anna

just wanted to straighten something out real quick...

in response to some concerns voiced in the comments recently, ti'anna is far from ignored. she is extremely intelligent, and a lot is expected of her, but the only worry i have for her is that she will end up quite spoiled. i, to my shame, let her get away with so much out of guilt because her brother can do the same thing (and we say its unwittingly) and not be punished for a thing she would get reamed for because she absolutely no question knows better. with ethan we just aren't sure...

i quite honestly prefer spending time with her. she is a great conversationalist, very imaginative, and actually interacts with me. i have to do my best every day not to just ignore ethan because he is so extremely high-maintanence and because my selfishness often balks at giving SO much and receiving SO little in return. the most i will get from him is a flash of adorable smile, maybe a kiss (finally, after nearly three years of waiting for a kiss, i can in fact get one from him- but he still won't call me mom, or even call me anything at all.).

most days i feel like i'm in love with a movie star, whom i worship from a distance, memorize every breathtakingly beautiful line of their face and every line of the scripts that they enact, but know absolutely nothing about WHO they really are.

i am so enthralled when he actually makes a bit of progress, i feel like i'm discovering/uncovering a real person under all the destructive, frustrated, deafening behavior, that i have to write it down just to remind myself that progress IS in fact happening, so i can go back when i'm losing all patience with him, as well as my sanity, and see in black and white that i ABSOLUTELY LOVE HIM. even when i feel like i can't stand another minute, like i just want to run away and cover my head up and scream... which more often than i like to admit, is exactly how i feel.

the worst i ever get with ti'anna is short-tempered, when she regresses in order to get more attention. when she whines and acts like she can't put her clothes on (because i still have to dress ethan) or like she can't use her spoon (he still can't feed himself with silverware at all, at three) or that she can't wipe herself (because i'm still changing diapers all day, with no real end in sight). sometimes when i have to close off mentally for a while and let my mind run so i can get out of the moment, and the pressure of having no money, no time, and no more patience, she will ask me the same questions that have no answers over and over until i snap out of it, and snap at her. but i always pick her up and hold her at those moments, because i know she's just imitating me. i will ask her nonsense questions when she is sad to make her laugh and pull her out of her mood, out of herself.

ti'anna, i can relate with. she reminds me so much of myself most days... it makes me cry just to type this. it's ethan i need to learn to be vulnerable with, that i need to learn to love in the way he needs it from me. i know what ti'anna needs, even though i often fail to give it to her. i often fail to do what's right, in many ways, as is the human condition. but with ethan, i don't even know how to get close, so i facsinate myself with him, and love him in the only way he will let me- by trying to help him overcome the huge gulf between himself and the rest of the world. meanwhile, just not lashing out at him is a huge victory...

for instance: ti'anna has never really responded much to cuddling and affection. ethan will ONLY respond to that. sometimes in a moment of sibling jealously, she thinks that being physically affectionate will make her happy, so i endulge her, welcoming her into my arms and lavishing on her all the hugs and kisses i always have inside me for her that she rarely holds still for, but after only a moment she grows restless and wants to get back to her endless pretending.

just like me.

i have heard it said that its painful to realize that your child is like you, as a parent. and in a way, i guess it is. but for me, it is far harder to realize that my son is not like me, to be faced with the possibility of never really understanding him, knowing him, inside. so i do my darndest to fall in love with him all over again every day.

as pointed out to us so adeptly by Jesus when he told us to love our neighbor as ourselves, it is a given that we will love ourselves. of course we do. we know ourselves, and even when we are angry or broken, we always strive to meet our own needs in some way. we let ourselves off the hook for things we would judge others for mercilessly, because we "understand" our own motives, justify ourselves. its our neighbors, who we don't really understand, who are different from us, that are really difficult to love. but I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. and ethan has been a greater bundle of Love, real love, from God, than I could have imagined possible. never have lessons of patience, humility, peseverance, selflessness, self-control, kindness, gentleness, joy in the little things, been packaged in such a precious box and delivered so effortlessly to me. its very easy to love that kid, despite his shenanigans. and the medicine that comes from his spoon is much easier to swallow! and just what i needed, in so many ways...

so for those that voiced concern, thank you, and i appreciate it. but i felt i needed to offer some more information and clarify things a bit. if ti'anna grows up feeling left out, it will be because she has a superiority complex.

just like her mom.

*smile*

now repeat after me.

and ethan does. he WILL NOT, and i repeat, WILL NOT acknowledge you if you ask him where his toes are. or if you ask him to bite anything at all? no response. but if you ask him, even once, to bite his toes, he will immediately drop whatever he is doing and attempt it enthusiastically, even if he is standing or if he has to remove his shoes to do so.

*blink*

i don't get it.

also, echolalia. he doesn't seem to grasp proper call-and-answer protocol in conversation. he knows what i'll say in a given situation, and that's what he'll say. no matter how silly that seems, its what he does. for instance, when he wants me to hand him something, he says "thank you." because when i hand him something, i tell him to say "thank you" afterwards. get it? i also tell him to say "please," or "have that" or any number of things, but "thank you" is what gets through, and evermore shall be. another example: when he hurts himself, he says, "are you okay?" over and over until one of us says it to him. then he he says "ohhh," in a loving way and strokes his head comfortingly until one of us does that. will he say "ouch?" not unless one of us is hurt. but will he ask us if we are okay? oh no. not a chance. *grin*

here's a video clip of ethan.

click here

(you will need to have the flash player installed to view this.) it may take a little while to load, but it's worth it. make sure your sound is turned up.

he's saying "whoa" while letting the car seat lid "fall" on him over and over. "whoa" lately has been anything thrilling, such as a sharp turn in the car, a movie with fast camera action designed to cause vertigo in the viewer, or riding a rolling office chair across the wood floor. its pretty plainly illustrated here how unless you spark his interest, he doesn't hear you. also, whenever he pulls his head out long enough to notice one of us has the camera, he runs up to it to observe the little lens inside opening and closing, and makes ham faces to it up close. i was really trying to get him to say "no," but he wasn't in the mood. i tried to irritate him, but to no avail. he was far too busy "whoa"ing...

enjoy!

We've arrived!

Ethan has thoroughly learned a new word, and we are all very proud (?) of him. The word? "NO!!!"
Frequently, loudly, emphatically. Pretty much any time he doesn't agree, doesn't understand, or is simply feeling cantankerous. Which is nearly all day most days! He even accompanies this most times with an impressive stab of his pointer finger at you! But the saving grace is the WAY he shouts it. His tiny voice is forceful, but the infantile curl he places on the vowel makes it all worth while. Anyone who can remember what a nine-month old shouting "no" sounds like has got it on the money. Phonetically, its kinda "nyouh!" I will see if I can get a clip of it today, and add it to this post, so stay tuned.

He's talking a lot more now. He's been launching into these tirades lately where a real word he knows well is couched in an emphatic raft of gibberish. These "sentences" or sometimes even "paragraphs" are extremely expressive in tone and pitch. If you didn't know better, you might mistake him for speaking rapidly in a language you didn't know. But he really is trying to SAY something. His inflection is identical to the other members of the family (you know how the rhythms and tones of a sentence combine to make up patterns that are usually so similar between immediate relatives?). He makes eye contact, and uses his facial expressions to emphasize his point... Its interesting. But as he's looking at you, if he can tell you're not following him, his voice gets quieter and he gets embarrassed and stops.

Some other new words, used correctly and often: Hot, Nose, Duh-Tush ("don't touch," which he repeats after me while doing that same pointer finger jab whenever I say it to him!), Water (said perfectly now, "wah-tur," well enunciated), Eye (Which he is recognizing everywhere now. His stuffed animals have eyes, models in magazines have eyes, the cover of "A Series of Unfortunate Events" has several stylized eyes, a deck of cards has eyes sprinkled through it- he finds them and shows us exitedly!)

In other news, Ti'anna knocked on my office door as I was filing my quarterlies, and as I had told her several times not to disturb me while in the middle of this particular project, I was annoyed. I said, "I said not to bother me, Ti'anna." She said,
"It's not Ti'anna. I have something for you." I opened the door to give her the old "I'm not kidding; scram!" look, and she proffered a small folded piece of paper on which she had scribbled some letters.
"I'm a mail server," she said in all seriousness. (Any other computer geeks out there will see this as proof of what a sheltered and tech-soaked environment this poor kid has grown up in! For those not so inclined, please understand two things: 1. In a rural area like ours, we do not have a proper "postman" or woman or what have you in their special car and special blue shorts with an ubiquitous smile. We have a box out on the street which our mail contractor pulls up to in a stationwagon and swiftly deposits our mail without getting out. Ti'anna knows someone brings the mail, because it appears every day and needs retrieval, but does not associate this with the "mailman" of yore. This brings us to point #2. A mail server, in hugely oversimplified terms, is the part of a network that deals with incoming and outgoing email. This is the machine at your local Internet Service Provider that your computer contacts when it is sending or receiving email. We could get a lot more technical here, but you get the point.)
I had to take a five minute break to recover from the laughter. The funniest thing about it was how it was not at all wrong from a linguistic point of view. One who delivers mail is performing a service, is serving you the mail. I thought it was awesome inductive logic!