prayers for Ethan

Okay, as some of you know, Ethan is nearly three, and still not speaking, or even seeming to comprehend spoken language fully. After waiting patiently for "things to run their own course," I've decided that this course is a roller coaster with my eyes shut, that I don't like the ride, and that I'd like to participate at least a little bit.

Up, down, up, down. Ethan seems to say a word clearly, once or twice, then drops it for four months. It seems like his behaviour is improving, less shouting and panicking etc, and then for no obvious reason he retreats into a shell for a week. It seems to be simply "late talking," like he's perfectly bright but just EXTREMELY focused; and the next week I'm certain he has an autism-spectrum disorder of some kind. I just found out that the lead in the paint I so diligently heat-gunned and scraped during my second and third trimesters may have a link to autistic-type behaviors, and that all of this struggle and heartache may be a manifestation of fetal lead poisoning. I feel and have always felt SURE he can hear- and now all of a sudden I'm not so sure.

I have been in talks via email with a local naturopath (whom administers chelation for lead toxicity in the brain) and he is interested in testing Ethan's hair/blood for build-up of heavy metals/lead, and he suggested that before we embark on expensive testing and possible treatment, we should make very sure it's not his hearing.

I have NEVER suspected his hearing as being culprit. He seems to be able to hear very well. If he hears me opening a candy bar, he'll come running from the next room. He whispers. He hums on key with music. Etcetera! But between the conspicious lack of consonants in his few words, and the doctor's request for more formal evidence that his hearing wasn't to blame, I decided to finally go ahead with it.

Today I took him in to our local United Way/Concerned Citizens, and had him screened to see if he qualified for a state-funded evaluation of his development. So anyways, the lady administering the hearing test couldn't get a reading. She said it was most likely because he was so wiggly. (Just imagine trying to explain to someone new to your country, without the aid of words, that he had ear mites, and was going to have to withstand having things jabbed and poked into his ears for the next ten minutes by a perfect stranger. Not that someone is trying to kill him, but that they're helping him. Now imagine that he's also two years old. He was disturbed about this test. REMARKABLY well-behaved about it- just a little bit... wiggly.) So I asked her to come over to my house during his nap and we'd try it then.

So she did. We tried for almost twenty minutes (man, I can't believe what that kid can sleep through!) and still she could get no reading, from either ear. This type of test sends vibrations into the eardrum and reads what bounces back. She very seemed concerned, and told me that there were only three reasons that she could think of for this. Either his ears with plugged thoroughly with wax, he has very severe ear infections in both ears, or he has some type of abnormality causing at least partial hearing loss. Our family's been battling a pretty nasty cold, but I haven't noticed signs of ear infection in Ethan...

She said I should take him to my family doctor. But I don't have a family doctor. I am self-employed, hardly making enough to buy the kids shoes, or heat my house in winter, and I don't have the cash to pay out of pocket for medical insurance. We were told previously that we don't qualify for state medical, because we make too much money, own a hovel, and own our car outright. As if. Our house we paid less for than most people pay for their car, and our car was a gift from our family. We netted less that $18,000 in 2003, and 2004 was about the same.... anyways, enough whining about the "unfairness of it all..." That's life, right?.

I called the nearest eyes-nose-&-throat specialist (whose office is 90min. drive from here) and he agreed to see me without a doctor's referral for a flat fee of $100 to book the appointment, and a yet-to-be-determined sum for the actual examination. They ballparked us at an additional $250 for tests- but "don't hold them to anything." I don't know how we're going to pay for treatment if this is what a check-up costs!

Anyhow... I feel awful thinking it might be his hearing, and I feel awful thinking it might not be. I feel awful thinking that his problem could stem from something that feels like it would have been obvious to a good parent. I want to do something- anything- to help him, and I'm also afraid I won't be able to afford to help him. I dreamt that he woke up one morning, walked into my bedroom, and said, "I love you, Mommy." I just want to talk to him- its what I do best. Talk.

Please keep us in your prayers as we look into this. We will do whatever it takes to rule out anything that can be solved to help him grow.